When we begin drinking excessively our world becomes smaller; in other words, when problem drinking increases our human connection decreases. %20%20(1).png?width=672&height=480&name=(672%20x%20480%20px)%20%20(1).png)
When a person begins excessive drinking, their family and loved ones often begin to question this drinking. As drinkers don’t like to be questioned about their drinking, they soon reduce the amount of time invested with those questioning their drinking. Typically, those in the household of the drinker, their loved ones, are the first to notice and question the problem drinking. As the problem drinking persists, the drinker begins hiding his drinking, telling lies about how much and how often he is drinking. Soon he is caught lying and then lies more to cover up his excessive drinking. Not wanting to be caught in the lies, he begins to isolate. Isolation is a symptom of alcoholism. Isolation is what we are referring to when we say the alcoholic’s world gets smaller. Isolation, like alcoholism, is progressive and unless the alcoholic receives treatment the isolation can result in declining mental and behavioral health.
When the loved ones in the household learn of the problem drinking, the drinker begins to avoid them, this avoidance is the beginning of isolation and the reduction of vital human connection. This loss of vital human connection results in a “smaller world” (the opposite of a loving life world). After cutting off loved ones, the next step downward in the progression of this alcoholic behavior is the reduction of time invested with professional colleagues. The alcoholic stops socializing with work colleagues as he does not want them to learn of his compromised performance. True and good friends will question the problem drinker. The problem drinker thinks alcohol is his best friend, so he isolates from his true good friends when they verbalize their concerns of his drinking. Not communicating with true good friends further contributes to isolation making his world even smaller.
Perhaps the problem drinker is arrested for driving under the influence and rather than driving under the influence again, he decides to make his world smaller by drinking alone in his residence. It is not uncommon for alcoholic men to be consuming alcohol strictly from one room in a large home away from anyone else. This one room may be the very unappealing garage, attic or basement. The alcoholic’s world continues to shrink and if he doesn’t receive treatment, that one small room literally and eventually may become a prison cell, hospital room or the morgue.
Men in long term recovery from alcoholism have shared that during the end of their drinking careers, they felt all alone even if they were drinking in a fun crowded environment like a night club or restaurant bar.
So as we have learned, isolation is a symptom of alcoholism and now we are presenting the idea that the opposite of isolation is a sober community. Journalist and author Johann Hari said, “the opposite of addiction is not sobriety; the opposite of addiction is connection.”
We agree that community is a very important tool in the recovering alcoholics toolbelt. At Soberman’s Estate we regularly use the analogy of having recovery tools, and connection is a very valuable tool.
At Soberman’s Estate we also use the analogy that each recovering alcoholic should learn what their insulin from alcoholism is. We believe that alcoholism is a disease - just as diabetes is a disease. The diabetic could live a long, healthy and enjoyable life IF he takes his daily insulin - we believe that the alcoholic can absolutely enjoy life free of alcohol by taking their insulin. A community of like-minded recovering alcoholics is a critical tool in the recovering alcoholics toolbelt. We consider this community to be one of the many varieties of good daily insulin from alcoholism.
The most readily available recovery community is the twelve step community. At Soberman’s Estate we have learned that not all people are willing to give AA a try or have tried and are not willing to give AA or other twelve step programs another try so we have developed our own community of Sober Men.
Our community of Sober Men is called the Soberman’s Estate Alumni Group. Our Alumni Group is a recovery community, and this community is a critical tool in our recovery toolbelt, and a vital dose of recovery insulin. Soberman’s Estate Alumni meet every week in person and or online, we host various Soberman’s Estate Alumni Events, and our most popular event is our Monthly Soberman’s Estate Alumni Dinner where our Chefs prepare a special meal for our Alumni and where we invite current clients so they can meet their future Brothers In Recovery. We have created a Brotherhood and have witnessed the testimonials of many of our Alumni who state that this Brotherhood is an essential part of their recovery.
I like to use the analogy of a lion that is trying to eat a zebra. The lion is alcoholism, and the zebras are men in recovery. The zebra who is furthest behind the rest of the herd, is the one most likely to be eaten by the lion. So how does this relate to the alcoholic. The alcoholic that is in the center of the herd (in the center of Brotherhood of Soberman’s Estate Alumni or in the center of his AA or Faith Based Community) is safe and protected. The recovering alcoholic that is not safely in the herd and lagging behind the others, not using his recovery tools and not taking his daily recovery insulin is the alcoholic that is most likely to succumb to the negative consequences of alcoholism which may include the lonely isolation of a jail cell, a hospital or the morgue.
About the Author, Mitch Prager is the Founder and CEO of Soberman’s Estate. Mr. Prager has been clean and sober since May 25th 1998 – with 27 years of experience helping adult men recover from alcoholism both personally and professionally he is considered a subject matter expert in the field of alcoholism recovery.
