Stress Doesn’t Have to Steal Your Peace

Stress is part of life. There will always be deadlines, difficult conversations, financial concerns, family problems, unexpected changes, and days when too many things seem to happen at once. Sobriety doesn't remove any of that. In fact, one of the adjustments many men face in recovery is learning how to deal with stress without reaching for the thing they once used to shut it off.

We asked Mitch Prager his thought on Stress and he shared “We all have a quota of dead batteries, flat tires, flight delays, cuts and bruises… and when these stressors occur we remind ourselves to pause and work through them, share our thoughts about them with our trusted companions and remind ourselves that - this too will pass and - this too is good”

For years, alcohol may have been the quickest way to create distance from whatever was happening. A stressful day ended with a drink. An uncomfortable conversation was easier after a few drinks. Worry quieted down for a while. Anger softened. Sleep came faster. At least that was the idea.

The problem is that alcohol never actually removed the stress. It postponed it.

And often, it added more.

Stress Is Not Always the Problem

We tend to talk about stress as though the goal should be to get rid of it. But some stress is unavoidable, and some of it is simply part of caring about your life. You can feel stress because your work is important to you, because your family is everything to you, because you are trying to repair something, or because you are doing something difficult that requires growth.

The bigger question is what happens inside you when stress shows up.

Does one frustrating moment become an entire frustrating day? Does your mind immediately jump ten steps ahead and start predicting everything that could go wrong? Do you become impatient with the people around you? Do you isolate? Do you start looking for something—anything—that will make the feeling stop?

Learning to recognize those patterns is important because peace does not require a stress-free life. It requires learning how to respond differently when life becomes stressful.

You Don’t Have to Solve Everything at Once

One of the quickest ways stress takes over is when the mind starts combining every problem into one giant problem.

You may have something difficult happening at work, tension at home, a bill you need to deal with, an appointment you have been putting off, and three other things sitting in the back of your mind. Before long, it no longer feels like you have several manageable concerns. It feels like your entire life is falling apart.

That's when it helps to separate what is actually happening from what your mind is adding to it.

What needs your attention today?

What can wait until tomorrow?

What is within your control?

What are you worrying about that hasn't even happened?

You don't have to solve Thursday’s problem on Tuesday.

Sometimes protecting your peace begins with bringing yourself back to what is actually in front of you.

Pay Attention to Your Body Before Your Mind Takes Over

Stress does not begin and end in your thoughts. Your body often notices it first.

Your shoulders tighten. Your jaw clenches. Your breathing becomes shallow. Your heart rate increases. You start moving faster, talking faster, or becoming more reactive. Your nervous system begins preparing you for a threat even when the “threat” is an email, a disagreement, or a problem that needs to be handled calmly.

Learning to notice those signals gives you an opportunity to interrupt the pattern.

Take a few slower breaths. Step outside. Go for a walk. Drink some water. Sit quietly for five minutes. Call someone you trust. Put the phone down for a while. Do something physical that brings your attention back into the present moment.

A recent Alumni of Soberman’s Estate shared “At Soberman’s Estate, I learned that when I feel stress, I pause, breath in serenity and breath out anxiety or breath out stress and I learned not to “futurize” or “Catastrophize” as the problem is usually a lot smaller than I thought it was”

These things might sound simple, but simple doesn't mean ineffective. When your nervous system settles, your ability to think clearly usually improves with it.

Not Everything Deserves Your Immediate Reaction

Stress has a way of creating urgency.

Fix it now. Answer immediately. Say something back. Make a decision. Do something.

But not every situation requires an immediate response.

There is strength in learning to give yourself a little space between what happens and what you do next. That space might be thirty seconds, an hour, or even a day. It gives you time to decide whether your next move is coming from frustration, past experiences,  or from the person you are trying to become.

This is particularly important in recovery. Many old behaviors are impulsive. Something hurts, so you react. Something becomes uncomfortable, so you escape it. Something feels overwhelming, so you look for relief.

Recovery gives you the opportunity to build a different response.

Peace Is Something You Practice

Peace is not something that suddenly arrives once your circumstances are perfect.

It's something you learn to protect.

Sometimes that means saying no. Sometimes it means having a conversation you have been avoiding. Sometimes it means getting enough sleep, stepping away from your phone, asking for help, spending time outside, going to a meeting, exercising, praying, journaling, or simply deciding that you are not going to spend the next three hours arguing with something in your own head.

It also means recognizing when you are carrying things that don't belong to you.

You cannot control another person's choices. You cannot change yesterday. You cannot guarantee what will happen next month. You cannot make every person understand you. You cannot prevent every disappointment.

But you can decide how much of your energy you are willing to hand over to those things.

Stress Can Be Present Without Being in Charge

There may still be stressful days in sobriety. There probably will be.

The difference is that stress no longer has to automatically become a reason to drink, shut down, lash out, isolate, or assume the worst. Over time, you can learn to experience discomfort without immediately trying to escape it.

That's a very different kind of freedom.

You may not be able to control what arrives at your door today. But you can learn how to meet it without giving it everything you have worked so hard to rebuild.

Stress may be part of your day.

It does not have to own your day.

And it certainly does not have to steal your peace.

Soberman's Estate is a residential men's addiction treatment center that provides discreet, individualized, sophisticated recovery and wellness services for adult men that want to recover from substance use disorders, and or other behavioral issues such as trauma, anxiety, depression, stress, or other addictions.

If you or someone you know are struggling and wondering about the next step for receiving help, please call our Admissions Director for a complimentary consultation at 480-771-9241, or email info@SobermansEstate.com.